Shamelessly lifted from this morning’s Guardian, we just ran through the top 10 jokes from Edinburgh Festival as according to the ‘Dave’ comedy channel.
We thought we’d share them with you also…
9. Simon Munnery: Clowns divorce: custardy battle.
8. Alun Cochrane: The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves.
7. Tom Parry: Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight. Blue sky at night: day.
6. Mark Nelson: Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That’s not a miracle. That’s tapas.
5. Dave Green: If I could take just one thing to a desert island, I probably wouldn’t go
4. Masai Graham: What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
3. Adam Hess: Surely every car is a people carrier?
2. Stewart Francis: Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse … but enough about Kanye West.
1. Darren Walsh: I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans free.
And for those in serious need of a pick me up, some of the Guardian’s ‘honourable mentions’
Jenny Collier: I never lie on my CV, because it creases it.
Ian Smith: If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
Tom Ward: I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time.
Gyles Brandreth: Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I’m reminded of the definition of a gentleman. It’s someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn’t.
Ally Houston: Let me tell you a little about myself. It’s a reflexive pronoun that means “me”.
James Acaster: Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it. Should’ve been called Look Who’s Hawking, that’s my only criticism.